Speaking of Near-Future Roommate...

I have two of them. Near-Future Roommates, that is. I've moved through several sets of roommates since the original seven, and am rather sad I haven't recorded more happenings. I'm going to fix that. But first, a few treasures from the last year.

Okay, I thought...

she's chosen a tupperware to eat her cereal out of. Not overly unusual. I've done the same myself when the bowl supply has been depleted or I find myself battling a particularly ravenous appetite. I found it odd, though, when she got down to only a few bites of cereal and a quarter inch layer of milk, then sighed a satisfied sigh and slapped the lid onto the tupperware... saving the remainder of her already-milked cereal for later...

In church a couple weeks ago

we talked about how much we can learn from roommates. Today my roommates taught me all about milk barf, and how stomach acid causes milk to curdle... meaning that when you barf it up it's the consistency of cottage cheese. Who knew? All I know is it was nasty.

True love...

...is waking up with your roommate at three in the morning to wipe her mouth and change her sheets when she barfs. Then waking up again at three thirty to rinse and return her barf bowl and wipe her face again. I think this set of roommates has been the best form of birth control I could ever imagine. It's more effective when you're not paying with money.

"You've gotta finish your sandwich

before you can have your cookies."

(Takes one small bite of remaining sandwich then sticks the rest in mouth.) "Can you open them now?"

"Alright, alright." (Opens bag and hands it over.)

(Spits sandwich into hands.)

"Whoa! You've gotta eat it! You can't just spit it out!"

(Puts it back in mouth, chews a little, shudders with slight grimace on face.) "It's really good."

"It's really good?"

"Yeah."

My roommate just

walked over to the toilet, stuck her head in it and took a big whiff. It hasn't been cleaned since Monday. It's Friday.

Things you should never have to say to your roommate... but that I have (with complete sincerity).

"Pull your pants up, please."
"Get your shoes and I'll help you put them on."
"Don't touch the poo!"
"Do you need me to wipe your nose?"
"Woo-eee! Steeenkeeee!"
"That's not a cow-- it's a dog."
"Seriously. That doesn't match. You'll get made fun of!"
"Wipe and flush, please."
"See? Picking up your backpack wasn't so hard."
"We're going to the store. And if you behave I'll give you a treat!"
"Need me to take your shirt off?"
"Can you say 'yellow'?"
"What does the word 'hurry' mean?"
"What does a frog say? Ribbit, ribbit!"

(In response to "what's that?"):
"This is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."
"It's a sock."
"A person."
"Garbage."
"A car."
"It's your blanket."
"A dog barking."
"Someone coming in the door."
"A cow mooing."
"The same cement truck we've had at the house for the past four months."

(In response to "what are you doing?"):
"I'm watching you put your seatbelt on."
"I'm waiting for you."
"Driving."
"Making your lunch-- like I do every morning."
"I'm changing her pants."
"Singing."
"Well I was trying to ignore you."