True love...

...is waking up with your roommate at three in the morning to wipe her mouth and change her sheets when she barfs. Then waking up again at three thirty to rinse and return her barf bowl and wipe her face again. I think this set of roommates has been the best form of birth control I could ever imagine. It's more effective when you're not paying with money.

"You've gotta finish your sandwich

before you can have your cookies."

(Takes one small bite of remaining sandwich then sticks the rest in mouth.) "Can you open them now?"

"Alright, alright." (Opens bag and hands it over.)

(Spits sandwich into hands.)

"Whoa! You've gotta eat it! You can't just spit it out!"

(Puts it back in mouth, chews a little, shudders with slight grimace on face.) "It's really good."

"It's really good?"

"Yeah."

My roommate just

walked over to the toilet, stuck her head in it and took a big whiff. It hasn't been cleaned since Monday. It's Friday.

Things you should never have to say to your roommate... but that I have (with complete sincerity).

"Pull your pants up, please."
"Get your shoes and I'll help you put them on."
"Don't touch the poo!"
"Do you need me to wipe your nose?"
"Woo-eee! Steeenkeeee!"
"That's not a cow-- it's a dog."
"Seriously. That doesn't match. You'll get made fun of!"
"Wipe and flush, please."
"See? Picking up your backpack wasn't so hard."
"We're going to the store. And if you behave I'll give you a treat!"
"Need me to take your shirt off?"
"Can you say 'yellow'?"
"What does the word 'hurry' mean?"
"What does a frog say? Ribbit, ribbit!"

(In response to "what's that?"):
"This is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."
"It's a sock."
"A person."
"Garbage."
"A car."
"It's your blanket."
"A dog barking."
"Someone coming in the door."
"A cow mooing."
"The same cement truck we've had at the house for the past four months."

(In response to "what are you doing?"):
"I'm watching you put your seatbelt on."
"I'm waiting for you."
"Driving."
"Making your lunch-- like I do every morning."
"I'm changing her pants."
"Singing."
"Well I was trying to ignore you."

Today I tickled my roommate...

... until she threw up.

Styling hair

has never been a strength of mine. However, I helped one of my roommates style her hair into a Hengen-style mohawk today and I've gotta say... it looks good.

It must be diet season.

Everyone's talking about losing weight. Probably so that by the end of the holidays they can walk away even, or at least without too much extra weight packed on...
Regardless, it's not the deceiving chatter that gave me the heads up. It was the fact that while one of my other roommates devours lunchmeat sandwiches, grapes and baked Cheetos with me for lunch, another roommate is watching jealously... with only her favorite stuffed animal's feet to gnaw on. Interesting dieting tactic.